Parents Beware of Using Carrot and Stick When Building Good Habits in Children
Two days ago I shared what I learned about building good habits. Writing 180 daily blog post in a row helped me learn that good habits form when you totally immerse yourself into an activity. I received some great feedback on what I wrote, and I stand by my observations 100%. However, in that blog post I omitted one critical fact.
The fact I omitted is especially relevant for parents trying to help their children form good habits. It stems from the type of motivation required to truly develop a good habit.
Self- or intrinsic motivation is the only motivation that can drive the development of a good habit. It’s unlikely a parent can instill good habits using extrinsic carrot and stick motivators. Instead, it’s far better for that parent to work on developing self-motivation in their kids.
For example, if someone forced me to write everyday, I would hate writing. If someone forced me to run 3 to 5 miles multiple times a week I would hate running. I know because I have experienced both situations and thought I hated writing and running. But now that I voluntarily do these activities because they help me reach my goals, I love and look forward to doing both.
Without a doubt, going from carrot and stick motivation to self-motivation is the secret sauce for developing good habits. What’s more, as a parent I know that applying this insight to how I raise my children is critical to their growth and development.