Parents Pushing too Hard Detrimental to Kids – The 7 Warning Signs
A few days ago I had an epiphany that we must teach kids that practice does NOT make perfect. I wrote that pushing kids to perfection, could prevent them from getting better. This is what I believe from my experience. However, there is research that backs this up.
Researchers from Arizona State found that parents pushing too hard is detrimental to kids. Every parent wants their kids to succeed. But disproportionately valuing success over other important values such as kindness leads to a range of serious issues. Some of the issues that pushing too hard could cause include:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Disruptive behavior at school
- Low self-esteem
- Learning problems
Seven Warning Signs You’re Limiting Your Kids Future by Pushing too Hard
Ultimately, pushing kids too hard is likely to backfire. The top seven early warning signs that a parent is pushing to hard are:
- Using fear to motivate a child to perform
- The use of money and other extrinsic awards as motivators
- Over punishing a child for lack of performance
- Shaming a child for lack of performance, especially in front of family and friends
- Comparing a child with higher performing siblings and peers
- Making performance decisions for your child without their input
- Smothering your child with coaching and/or tutoring
If you find yourself doing any of these, please consider taking steps to pull back. The #1 thing you can do to increase your child’s chance of success is to allow them to develop their intrinsic motivation.
Intrinsic motivation will prevent burn out and maximize potential beyond anything external / extrinsic motivators could provide. In addition, increasing intrinsic motivation also increases the will to grind.
Pushing too hard is guaranteed to prevent this.