Goldilocks Anxiety – How to Deal with it in Sports Families
Some parents worry about their kids all the time. I’m one of those parents. I like to call my worrying Goldilocks anxiety.
My routine worry is if I’m doing a good enough job to prepare my kids for their future. For example, one day I may worry if I’m being too hard on my kids. Then, the next day I will worry if I’m being too soft on them. My continual hope is that I’m getting it just right.
Unquestionably, this is me having Goldilocks anxiety. What’s more, this form of Goldilocks anxiety is common in sports families. With Facebook making the choices of other parents visible for all to see, we can’t help to worry about how our own choices compare.
It’s very hard not to use social media to compare ourselves to what other parents are doing. Especially when parents are constantly posting about their kid’s national competitions, camps, and private coaching. You can’t help but to privately ponder in your mind questions like this:
- Do I need to send my kid to more national competitions since the other parents are sending their kids to one every month? Or, am I sending my kids to too many national competitions and burning them out?
- How about that camp all the elite kids are going to? Should I send my kid too? Or, is my kid going to camp too often and not spending enough time with their academics?
- That private coach is working with several national champions. Am I hurting my kids if I don’t get them private coaching too? Or, is this private coaching costing too much money. Should I stop sending my kid and spend that money elsewhere?
Parental Goldilocks Anxiety is Real – What to Do If You Have It
On the one hand, it is easy to write many of these thoughts off as “keeping up with the Joneses” syndrome. On the other hand, I think there’s much more to this. The process of trying to get it “just right” for your kid is a legitimate source of anxiety.
However, Goldilocks anxiety can cause serious problems for your kids and possibly your marriage if you don’t get it in check.
In an interview on parental anxiety, former clinical psychologist and author of the The Anxiety Toolkit, Alice Boyes, PhD suggest the following among other things:
- Accept that you are fearful
- Learn the real risks and facts
- Write bullet points of the pros and cons of parenting your child in an overprotective way
- Confront fears with reasonable action
In addition, to these suggestions I have a few of my own to help overcome this anxiety:
- Use a consistent decision making process that both you and your spouse agree upon.
- Make the process based on facts and run every decision through the same process.
- If you don’t like the outcome of your decisions, change your process instead of worrying about the decision itself.
- Consider using the principles of Strengths Based Parenting developed by Gallup. For example, decide what camps, tournaments, and private coaching your child needs based on investing in their strengths instead of their weaknesses. Research shows that the best way to help your child is to develop their strengths and manage their weaknesses.
If you want help with this process, please don’t hesitate to contact me. You can learn more about me and how I can help your sports family unlock potential and increase happiness here.