11 Quotes to Remind Parents to Stop Focusing on their Child’s Weaknesses
Yesterday I wrote a review of Gallup’s Strengths Based Parenting book by Mary Reckmeyer. This book makes a profound case for why parents should abandon the desire to raise “well-rounded” children. Instead, decades of Gallup’s research shows that it’s better to focus on developing strengths and manage weaknesses. Below are 11 quotes from Reckmeyer to further urge you to adopt this approach:
1. An immense amount of research on human development has brought to light that you do your best when you’re doing what you’re best at – when you’re using your strengths – and that goes for your children too. Every parent and every child is unique. There is no one right way to bring up a child. There is only the way you do it, given your talents, strengths and environment.
2. While there isn’t a “prescription for parenting,” studying the childhood of adults who are doing well reveals common threads, common experiences and common belief among their parents…Treat children as individuals. Respect their natural inclinations, talents and interest.
3. Research suggests that self-perception is related to various aspects of academic achievement, social status, participation, school completion and perception of others. And a parent’s perception of a child and a child’s perception of himself have an impact not only on the parent-child relationship, but also on the child’s growth and later success.
4. If a child only knows what she is not good at, she doesn’t know how to create pathways that give her direction. She needs to be able to manage her weakness so they don’t become stumbling block, and she also needs stepping stones to move forward.
5. As adults, we need to be careful about how we judge kids. We can make them doubt themselves. We can make it harder for them to be great. We can even crush them. But we can’t really change them. We can’t make them who they aren’t, but we can make it easier and happier for them to be who they are.
6. Children learn and grow better when they put their energy toward what they can do rather than slaving away on what they struggle with. So do parents. Kids thrive when parents recognize what they do well and give themselves some slack for not being perfect.
7. As a parent, you have to tailor your talents to the job of parenting. And you might often feel you’re failing – full of guilt and worry. Instead of obsessing about your areas of weakness, spend more time enjoying your children. You can accomplish more if you adapt your parenting approach to fit your talents, just as some people have done with their careers.
8. The answer to the nature vs. nurture question – what makes us who we are, our DNA or our upbringing? – is both. Our talents are innate, but how we express them has a lot to do with our circumstances and experiences.
9. One of the best ways to understand your child’s talents is to first understand your own talents. Use the shared language of strengths to familiarize yourself with the various themes of talent. Knowing your own talents and strengths increases your awareness and ability to spot and understand talents in your children.
10. You don’t have to be a well-rounded parent, and you do’t have to have well-rounded kids…But you do need to know how to make the most of your talents and strengths. And you do need to figure out how to encourage your children as you use your own natural tendencies to appreciate, support and build on their individuality.
11. Our job as parents is to nurture our children’s nature, to be detectives and discover who our children already are and who they are becoming, to be coaches and create pathways that play to their strengths and manage their weaknesses.