Reverse Psychology On Kids Only Works When You Do This First
I do a virtual fist pump in my mind every time I use reverse psychology to get my kids to do something I know is best for them but they don’t want to do. When reverse psychology doesn’t work, I’m kicking myself thinking I should have just been direct.
The latter is what happened to me earlier this week. I tried to use reverse psychology to get one of my sons to do a “optional” workout instead of playing Xbox. He choose the Xbox of course. However, I’ve used reverse psychology before in this exact situation and it worked. So I was baffled when he made what I thought was the less than optimal choice this time.
Then it dawned on me. Reverse psychology in iteslf is not really what works to get your kids to choose business over pleasure. Basic reverse psychology is really just the act of suggesting to a hard headed person you want them to do the opposite of what you really want so they choose your true desired action.
When done in a vacuum reverse psychology is nothing more than manipulation that can send mixed signals. It can lead to more harm than good.
The key to get beyond basic reverse psychology is to turn it into “choice” psychology and forget about the “reverse” part. The goal is to get your kids to choose what’s good for them over what feels good to them. The goal is to help your child mature so they know how to choose the right thing without their parents telling them what to do.
With that in mind, good “choice” psychology is about you letting it be known that you are indifferent about the “choice” they make, even when you do care.
This more subtle approach to reverse psychology only works when your kids is in a situation to make a good choice. This means they understand both the long term and short term pros and cons of their choice. If you rush through this and give them a choice with no context, they will always choose the feel good option. This is what happened to me earlier this week.
So before you attempt any form of reverse psychology, start with a conversation about choices and decision making. Discuss how short term pleasure can impact long term goals. Use a hypothetical situation to ask them to choose what they would do and explain the potential impacts of their choice. Then and only then, once this context is established, let your child choose between what’s good for them and what feels good to them.
Obviously, this could be time consuming and your child will eventually catch on if you do it too much. So it’s best to use this technique only in meaningful moments. If done right, however, these teachable exercises in choice will lead to you raising a smart decision maker who makes choices based on facts instead of emotions.